In an effort to keep our options open - oh, who am I kidding?? 

In an effort to try and get our daughter into damn near any daycare by early 2008, we have toured yet another facility.  Our names are already on lists with three organizations, covering six daycare facilities, and this would add one more to the pile.  There are the two that are associated with my husband’s employer.  There are the two that are near our house.  There are the two that are sort of close to my husband’s work.  And now, there is the fancy-schmancy one that promotes early (early!) education and has a schedule to put any type A to shame.

I have to admit, I was hoping to like this one.  But I’m not sure that I do.  There wasn’t anything wrong with it at all, and, really, on paper and in person it looks like it should be an excellent facility.  It just seems like the kind of system that will either work really well for a child...or be disastrous.  And you won’t know until you’ve accepted a position there.  Is this the best out there or is this the best out there for my daughter?

So, how, in a world where acceptance at any facility is a coup, do you have any choice in child care?  We won’t be needing childcare until she’s 18 months old, but it still feels like we’re at the mercy of the system.  How many applications have you submitted?  More importantly, how do you know you’ve submitted to the “right” ones?

And with regard to the fancy-schmancy place: we haven’t applied - but the forms and our cheque book are still sitting on the dining room table.

Interesting, that after the recent 20/20 episodethat we’ve just discussed, I’ve now just finished watching tonight’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy (Staring at the Sun, Nov. 16/06), in which one of the subplots touched on working moms.

While the show did make a valiant effort to to portray the desire - and to a certain extent, necessity - of moms having jobs (and even full blown careers!), there was still the ‘bad working mommy’ whose young daughter only wanted the nanny at her bedside and whose husband blamed her for the daughter’s accident.  And, while the rhetoric and interplay was thought provoking, it was, of course, the images of the little girl, hurt and wanting the comfort from her nanny instead of her mother that leaves little twinges in the gut.  Yes, in the end, Meredith comes to terms with her mother’s need to work when she was growing up (you did the best you could) and Dr. Bailey takes a moment to phone her son and sing to him at his bedtime, and the nanny, having been fired, is brought back in to become part of the scene and everyone is at peace with her presence. 

Perhaps I’m a little more sensitive to this thread in the show as I am going to tour yet another daycare facility tomorrow and likely add my own daughter’s name to their wait list in the hopes of finding her excellent care for when my husband and I are back at work.  Because, then, we’ll have done the best that we could.

In the mean time, I suspect that, around the water cooler tomorrow, more people may be discussing Frank and his man-boobs or how Christina will save Preston’s career for another week.  But perhaps a few moments will get taken up talking about women, motherhood, careers and caregivers. 

So I was able to watch the 20/20 piece by Elizabeth Vargas… and while there was some accurate information (The US being, pretty much, the only country that does NOT offer paid benefits for new moms, both Iran and North Korea have better plans, granted I do not want to live in those countries), I found this piece to be shockingly lacking (and shockingly short).  Noone talked about the new moms who are forced from there jobs because childcare is much more than their paycheck and have to pick up government assistance.  Noone talked about the middle class who are struggling with their 2 parent incomes and raising a child.  What about the single moms (I dont know how you girls do it, kudos to you!) who have to work more than one job just to scrape by?  What about moms that are denied employment just because they are moms?

I am really glad this piece was aired, but so much was not even touched.  I can only hope this is just the beginning.

I am shocked by all the comments on the 20/20 message boards.  I did choose to have a child, while some choose not to, yes, my choice.  Would you rather I became a productive member positively contributing to our economy or would you prefer that I live on government assistance and food stamps that you pay for with your taxes?

Los Angeles-based radio talk-show host Tom Leykis just railed about how woman should just stay home and it isnt HIS responsibility to help anyone (clearly not looking at the bigger picture), the amount of people who agree with him is astounding to me.  One woman called in to say that, “Maybe they should leave their childbearing uterus at home. Why work?” .. WOW.

and THEN.. there is Karen Czarnecki, deputy assistant secretary of labor.  She said, and I am quoting here…

“I think mandating such benefits across employers of all kinds will hurt our economy,” she said. “We’d end up losing jobs. I really think the economic consequences would be dire.”

WOW

I actually believe the opposite.  I believe that with 71% of all mothers in this country working, the economy would come to a grinding halt without us.  I believe that if this country and our businesses were more family friendly we would boost our economy with happier, harder working moms.

We are a country that continuously talks about family values, yet government policies and the lack of discussion about these problems say quite the opposite.  They say “sure, have your baby, but just stay home because we’re not going to help you recover and prepare to return to the work force and become an active member and contributor to our economy, we just dont care about you, but please, have more kids because thats what you should do”

Most of us.. CAN’T stay home.. and certainly can’t stay home without substantial government assistance.  So which is better?  Bettering the benefits and day care assistance, or forcing productive, smart, hardworking women out of the workforce only to have the govenment spend MORE on assistance to help us when we cant work?  Moms are also being denied employment because they have kids, many just because they are “of child bearing age” (umm so 18-45 year olds?).. and this is legal discrimination.

They also mentioned a group called ChildFree.  I just wanted to mention that I know plenty of couples that choose to be child free .. that is what they want and they have every right to choose that route.. but my child free friends also respect and applaud my choices, as I respect theirs.  We hear words like “Freedom” bantered about and part of that freedom is the right to choose, not the right-to-choose-but-you-will-be-punished-for-making-the-wrong-choice (wrong being defined here as the opposite of what whatever choice the accuser has made).

I made the choice to bring a beautiful boy into this world and I believe I (just me here folks, I am only speaking about myself, I cannot speak for others on this statement) am a better mom to him because I have a passion for my work and that teaches him to work hard at the things he loves and to become an active member of society.  My choice is that he can grow up in a real family friendly America.

To view the ABC piece go Here.  For more information please visit Moms Rising.